How to increase Motivation! (2 of 2)

We finish talking about motivation and why it's at the heart of a change process. Continue listening to learn how to increase or improve or act better on you motivation. Listen as we review the last 6 of 9 steps:

4. Create Routines & Systems

5. Remove Barriers & Make It Easy

6. Use Rewards & Accountability

7. Track Your Progress

8. Accept That Motivation Fluctuates

9. Focus on Identity, Not Just Goals

How to increase Motivation! (1 of 2)

We talk talk about motivation and why it's at the heart of a change process. How does one increase or improve or act better on their motivation? Listen as we review the first 3 of 9 steps:

1. Set Clear, Achievable Goals

2. Connect to Your Why

3. Start Small & Take Action

Finishing up about Internal Family Systems therapy or IFS (2 of 2)

We finish talking about internal family systems or IFS. This will help you to know if it's going to help in your own healing and growth process and whether or not more information will get you where you want to be. If so, we recommend the following books:

No Bad Parts: https://a.co/d/9ezT5RV

Internal Family Systems Workbook: https://a.co/d/buzWoer

Are you interested in worthing with us directly? Please reach out!

Work with David or learn more about him here: https://www.discoverinnovo.com/

Work with Sherie or learn more about her here: https://lakewoodfamilytherapy.com/sherie-adams-christensen/

About Internal Family Systems therapy or IFS (1 of 2)

We talk about internal family systems, started by Richard Schwartz. He attempted to help others work through their traumas and challenges and developed a way to do this that has since grown into an effective therapeutic method. Listen to this episode and see if it's interesting to you and might be something for you to look more into!

Are you interested in worthing with us directly? Please reach out!

Work with David or learn more about him here: https://www.discoverinnovo.com/

Work with Sherie or learn more about her here: https://lakewoodfamilytherapy.com/sherie-adams-christensen/

About other conditions that accompany or cause addiction (2 of 2)

We finish talking about other conditions that are comorbid or run with addiction. We talk about ADHD and regulating impulse control and the effect that has on recovery, as well as autism, NPD, and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Hopefully this helps you develop compassion for partners who struggle with these things.

About other conditions that accompany or cause addiction (1 of 2)

We talk about other things to be aware of when considering addiction recovery and how those things impact the process. Depression, for example, is important to recognize and understand when trying to work through recovery. Anxiety, ADHD, autism, and other mood and personality disorders are also considered. We also talk about dopamine and how the brain works when in addiction.

About steps to recovery for the betrayed partner, finishing up

We finish talking about steps to recovery for the betrayed partner and will finish up with the final 5 steps: know your values, learning, responding, not reacting, self-evaluation, and demonstrating empathy. Listen to learn more and make your recovery as good as it could be!

About steps to recovery for the betrayed partner, continued

We continue talking about the steps of recovery for the betrayed partner including forgiveness, understanding addiction, getting support, and committing to doing your own work.

About updated steps to recovery for the betrayed partner or spouse

We talk about the updated steps to recovery for the betrayed partner, or the actual things they should be doing in a recovery process. There is a lot to do that helps, so use this as a roadmap for what to do when something happens or there is a recent discovery. And the more closely you follow these steps, the better! We cover taking time and space, having boundaries, and focusing on creating purpose from the pain in this episode.

About steps to recovery for the addict - finishing up

We continue talking about steps to recovery for the addict including understanding addiction yourself, working through past trauma, and holding boundaries in toxic relationships. All of these are vital to recovery! 

About steps to recovery for the addict - new and improved!

We cover the steps to recovery for the addict, with additions to our original episodes when we first started. Several additional steps like understanding addiction, processing past trauma and creating boundaries are now included.

About the letting go technique (2 of 2)

We finish talking about the letting go technique that will help with working through negative past experiences along with helping with stress and even triggers. 

About the letting go technique (1 of 2)

We talk about a wondering technique for letting go of strong, negative emotions. It's a step-by-step guide that you can do on your own with a few minutes that will have a profound effect on how you feel. It comes from David Hawkins book Letting Go, which we highly recommend. Part one of two.

About a marriage contract and why it matters

We continue talking about why many relationships need a marriage contract, especially after infidelity and disclosure. We will talk about how to do it and what to cover so you can create your own.

About 3 things that every relationship needs to be healthy and happy

We talk about 3 simple (not necessarily easy!) things that every healthy and happy relationship need to have and do: be loving, communicate clearly, and hold boundaries until there's problem solving.

About building healthy relationships (2 of 2)

We continue talking about what healthy couples do to have good relationships, and cover 5 things specifically that we can, including turning towards bids for connection, flipping your internal script, ritualize cherishing, learn to fight smarter, and making time together.

About building healthy relationships (1 of 2)

We talk about trust as the foundation and begin a conversation about some of the healthier ways to show up in our relationships.

About the progression of sexual addiction (2 of 2)

We finish answering a question about how addiction progresses and how it survives, and how we might see this differently in ways that can help them and the relationship move forward.

About the progression of sexual addiction (1 of 2)

We address an issue a listener enquired about - how porn or addiction progresses and if we would speak to that. We begin to explore this issue and agree that it does progress, but there's a lot of nuance. Part 1 of 2.

About the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse for Marriage by John Gottman

We talk about the four things that really hurt relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Learn more about what those things are, how they show up, and why we want to avoid them!

About finishing up our series on grieving and mourning in healthy, more effective ways

We finish talked about mourning and grieving by talking about healthy and unhealthy depression and acceptance, the final two stages in the traditional process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.

More on grieving and mourning in healthy ways

We continue talking about grieving in healthy ways, covering anger and bargaining. We will continue to talk about depression and acceptance in future episodes!

About Grieving and handling loss

We begin talking about grieving and how to do it well, or how to release and move through it sooner or more effectively. This will begin a series of episodes following the well know DABDA model of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

About BPO or Borderline Personality Disorder (2 of 2)

We finish talking about borderline and what to do to help and encourage someone struggling with it.

About BPO or Borderline Personality Disorder (1 of 2)

We start to talk about another important relationship dynamic that might include borderline personality disorder, referred to simply as borderline. What does it look like, what's behind it, and eventually, what can we do with it?

About the equation for sobriety (2 of 2)

We finish talking about the equation for sobriety by finishing the final items: sobriety = self-worth + overcoming addiction enabling patterns + motivation + tools + accountability + consequences. Discover what's missing in order to better establish and maintain sobriety in your life!

About the equation for sobriety (1 of 2)

We talk about what the actual equation is for sobriety and more about each item. Sobriety = self-worth + overcoming addiction enabling patterns + motivation + tools + accountability + consequences. We begin to go into each one of these to help you discover what's missing for you if you're not sober!

About establishing and maintaining sobriety (1 of 2)

We begin talking about sobriety and what it is, and how it's the beginning of the recovery process. We talk about what it is and what it isn't, what white knuckling is and begin a conversation on how to get sober long-term.

About creating a marriage contract

We talk about creating a marriage contract that helps guide the relationship and teaches both partners about the needs of their spouse. Good for rebuilding as well as starting at the beginning!

About levels of trust and safety

We talk about how trust and safety in the relationship isn't all or nothing, and this can actually hinder recovery, reconciliation and healing. What are the different levels and how can we think about this? This episode will help with this concept.

About our final tools for coming out of victimhood

We finish talking about steps to come out of victimhood including personal safety versus relationship safety and finding ultimate meaning from hard things that have happened in the relationship.

About specific steps to overcome victimhood

We talk about specific steps to take in order to come out of victimhood and into a healthier, better place. This includes having empathy and differentiating between unwilling and unable and other helpful tools. This is part 1 of 2 to finish our series on victimhood.

About how to start coming out of victimhood by making meaning from suffering

We start to talk about how to make meaning out of meaning and how to use this to move from victim to survivor to creator. We also recommend the book The Choice by Edith Eger and how to create positive meaning from negative experiences.

About why victimhood is not where you want to be (2 of 2)

We continue talking about the negatives of being in a victim stance or remaining in victimhood. We will then follow up on what to do about it!

About why victimhood is not where you want to be (1 of 2)

We talk about the downsides of being in victimhood and why it's not what it's cracked up to be. This is the first part of two episodes.

About defining victimhood to see if you're in it

We talk about what victimhood is and how to know if you might be in it, or what characteristics define being in a victim stance. This comes before we talk about why it can be so dangerous to growth.

About beginning a conversation on victimhood

We begin a conversation about victimhood, and how to avoid being in victimhood despite being a legitimate victim of betrayal or other situation. 

About finishing NPD and how to manage using BIFF and other techniques

We review some ways to deal with being in a relationship with someone who is NPD using BIFF (brief, informative, friendly, and firm) and other techniques.

About patterns in the NPD cyle

We talk about aspects of the NPD cycle, or how they engage with other people. This will help you to recognize even more if you're caught in these patterns.

About dealing with Narcissism, what to do now?

We talk now about how to deal with people who struggle with narcissism and how to try to manage through challenging relationships.

About Narcissistic personality disorder Part 2

We continue talking about narcissism and different classifications or manifestations of it and what it means in relationships.

About Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

We start to explore what narcissism is and how to spot it. This is the first in a series where we explore not only what it is but how to deal with someone who is a narcissist.

About our final parenting episode

We finish talking about parenting as we've spent some time on different ways to help parent your children and this is the final principles we want to share.

About more on parenting principles

We continue talking about important parenting principles that will make a difference if you implement them!

About parenting and important considerations for children

We talk about parenting and how best to parent with confidence to help your children receive what they need.

About more parenting advice and help

We continue talking about parenting and consistency and other helpful concepts.

About parenting and overcoming our weaknesses

We talk about parenting and how to overcome our weaknesses as we have children and learn how to best approach this important and challenging aspect of life and growth.

About continued empathy in everyday conversation

We continue talking about how to best communicate with as much empathy and understanding as possible, including a great quote by Richard Rohr.

About more healthy communication and helpful phrases for couples

We continue talking about the most helpful phrases couples can use and concepts they can understand to improve the ever-present communication challenges in most relationships.

About healthy communication and using empathy 

We talk about what healthy communication is and how to do a better job of it, specifically using empathy. We end on some great empathy statements we can use in conversation that really work!

About doing EMDR and ART for trauma recovery

We talk about what EMDR and ART are, how they work, and when and why you might do these trauma interventions. They work, so you should consider these in your recovery process!

About anxiety and finishing up

We finish talking about anxiety, specifically interventions that will further help after everything else that's been addressed. You will officially be an expert afterwards!

About additional anxiety management techniques

We continue talking about anxiety management techniques with even more tools and interventions that can help! Practice using some of these to make a difference in your life.

About bottom-up or body-first methods to manage anxiety

We continue talking about anxiety management techniques, this time discussing how to start with the body and calming the body before we're able to use thoughts to help manage our feelings. 

About top-down or mind-first anxiety management techniques

We follow up the last episode on anxiety management techniques by talking about top-down, thought-first approaches that can help you find safety and come out of anxiety. Next episode we will talk about bottom-up or body-first approaches.

About anxiety and management techniques

We talk about anxiety and how to create a lifestyle that will help to minimize the anxiety in your life. We will continue this topic through several more episodes as we explore top-down and bottom-up approaches to managing your anxiety.

About increasing our self-esteem or sense of self-worth (2 of 2)

We finish talking about how we can increase our sense of self-worth or self-esteem. Implement these concepts into your life to make all the difference!

About increasing our self-esteem or sense of self-worth (1 of 2)

We follow up our shame episode with how to combat it, by increasing our sense of self-worth. Be ready to take notes and implement what we talk about!

About managing your shame to create healthy relationships

We talk about how shame shows up in relationships and why managing your shame may be the key to healthy couples.

About the right attitude that best helps your spouse recover

We talk about the most important attitude to have when your spouse is struggling with addiction and trying to recover. Your approach can make all the difference, but it's about you, not them!

About Rat Park (Understanding connections role in addiction)

We talk about how addiction is a lack of connection and environment matters a great deal. Helpful for spouses who misunderstand addiction as a lack of love or caring.

About the law of attraction

We talk about the law of attraction and how like attracts like and the positive energy of this process makes a real difference in your life. How do we do it and why?

About how we forgive completely to set ourselves free

We continue talking about forgiveness with an emphasis on how and share more of the benefits of letting go.

About Sheri's accident and the energy of forgiveness

David & Sheri talk about her recent accident and forgiveness and what an attitude of forgiveness feels like and why positive energy matters!

About suicide and how to help

September is suicide awareness month, and David and Sherie talk about suicide and what it means and how to approach it more effectively.

About the body science of trauma (2 of 2)

David and Sherie finish talking to guest speaker Mariann Adams who helps us understand how to implement breathing to improve our quality of life. Mariann's book is Boost core power and bust anxiety and her website is findcorepower.com.

About the body science of trauma (1 of 2)

About talking to children about sex (4 of 4)

We finish talking about healthy sexuality in detail and describing body processes in ways that are uplifting and honor our bodies. To learn more about Sheri's book, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Gift-God-Introducing-Conversations/dp/0997966904/ref=cmcrarpdproduct_top?ie=UTF8

About talking to children about sex (3 of 4)

We continue talking about healthy sexuality and how to talk about the menstrual cycle and why this can lay the foundation for the subject of sex. To learn more about Sheri's book, go here: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Gift-God-Introducing-Conversations/dp/0997966904/ref=cmcrarpdproduct_top?ie=UTF8

About talking to children about sex (2 of 4)

We continue talking about healthy sexuality and how to talk to kids up to 5 - 7 years old.

About talking to children about sex (1 of 4)

We talk about how to address sexuality with children.

About addiction (2 of 2)

We finish talking about addiction and it being more of a curiosity and an attachment need and how those interplay.

About addiction (1 of 2)

We talk about what addiction is and how it impacts the brain and how this needs to be better understood by both partners.

About better understanding what betrayal trauma feels like (2 of 2)

We finish talking about the impact of betrayal trauma and how the betrayer can help their spouse move on and heal.

About better understanding what betrayal trauma feels like (1 of 2)

We help the betrayed partner articulate their betrayal experience and give it a voice as well as helping the betrayer to better understand what it's like.

About how to change your spouse (2 of 2)

We finish talking about changing your spouse with love that communicates clearly and has boundaries.

About how to change your spouse (1 of 2)

We talk about how to actually change your spouse, and to reconsider what your theory of change might be!

About your Higher Power showing up in your life

We talk about how our expectations shape the amount and quality of our Higher Power's influence in our lives, and why this is important.

About learning more through self-discovery of your body

We talk about getting know your body better and making it a priority in order to improve your sense of self sexually and help the relationship to grow.

About the mental game of sexuality

We talk about getting your head in the right place to know your body better and making it a priority when it comes to sex.

About the sexual response cycle

We (mostly Sherie!) talk about the sexual response cycle, especially as it pertains to women so they can understand themselves better.

About women having permission to be sexual

We talk about the need for women to give themselves permission to be sexual and how our current life stresses and culture can play a negative role in this.

About sexuality in women

We continue to explore differences in men and women and why it's important for women to better understand and accept their sexuality.

About sexual differences between men & women

We begin the subject of sexuality, with this episode talking about some fundamental differences between how sex is used to help men and women connect and the role it plays for acceptance for men in healthy relationships.

About your authentic self

We talk about being your true self and what that means and why or how that might help.

About meditation

We go through a meditation you can use to create a calm/safe place.

About gratitude and hope

We talk about the importance of gratitude and hope, especially around this time of year. Also, some techniques to change your mindset when you're in a negative space.

About gaslighting (3 of 3)

We finish talking about what gaslighting is and where to go from there.

About gaslighting (2 of 3)

We continue talking about gaslighting and what it is and how it looks.

About gaslighting (1 of 3)

We talk about what gaslighting is as we start a 3 part podcast exploring the most negative aspect of betrayal trauma.

About self-care for recovery

We talk about the importance of self-care for recovery and some of the little things that can make a big difference.

About being unable to heal while in battle

We talk about the need to leave the battle (or have the battle cease) in order to start the healing process, and how this will mean you need to take better care of you. The next episode will be on self-care specifically.

About sensate focus

We talk about sensate focus, a practice developed to help couples rediscover their sexuality in a safe and communicative way.

About reintegrating sexuality after infidelity (2 of 2)

We finish talking about how to reintegrate sexuality in a relationship including ideas for how often sex happens how it can start again.

About knowing and living your values (1 of 2)

We finish talking about the benefit of knowing and living your values. Part 2 of 2.

About knowing and living your values (1 of 2)

We talk about the benefit of knowing and living your values and why it's important to work towards a value-centered life. Part 1 of 2.

About reintegrating sexuality after infidelity (1 of 2)

We talk about when and how to start integrating sexuality back into the relationship and how to know when it might be time. Part 1 of 2.

About working through trauma

We finish talking about trauma and how to self-manage and make things easier. Part 2 of 2.

About working through trauma (1 of 2)

We talk about trauma and how to begin working through it. Part 1 of 2.

About sexual addicts better managing thoughts

We talk about sexual addicts learning to better manage their thoughts, particularly their lustful thinking and obsession.

About knowing if you should stay or leave the relationship (2 of 2)

We finish talking about how to know if you should consider leaving the relationship or stay and try to make it work. Part 2 of 2.

About knowing if you should stay or leave the relationship (1 of 2)

We talk about how to know if you should consider leaving the relationship or stay and try to make it work. What are some ways to determine this? Part 1 of 2.

About communicating clearly in relationships

We talk about the second point in healthy relationships, communicating clearly. This is necessary to meet your needs and also hold boundaries. 

About healthy couples and being loving, 2 of 2

We finish talking about how to be loving with examples.

About healthy couples and being loving, 1 of 2

We talk about healthy couples and being loving and how to accomplish that.

About boundaries, 2 of 2

We finish talking about boundaries.

About boundaries again, with examples, 1 of 2

We talk about boundaries again and a phrase that will help you to keep boundaries. We also go through examples.

About feeling better with ABCD

We talk about a CBT tool called ABCD for feeling better and managing our thoughts.

About boundaries

We talk about boundaries in relationships, how to use them, and how to use consequences. Also, we talk about the ACT model of limit setting for using boundaries with children.

About separation

We talk about separation, how you know it's a good idea and how to do it effectively so it's not just time apart.

About forgiveness

We talk about forgiveness, what it is, and perhaps more importantly, what it isn't.

About the power of perspective, 2 of 2

We finish talking about perspective and the need to focus on the things that bring us joy.

About the power of perspective, 1 of 2

We talk about how our perspective shapes our thoughts, feelings, and ultimately our lives.

About lie detector tests, 2 of 2

We finish talking about using lie detectors and the advantages of including these in a disclosure process.

About lie detector tests, 1 of 2

We talk about lie detector tests in the disclosure process and why they can be a game-changer.

About disclosure

We talk about what a disclosure process is and why it's important, including the need for a commitment to complete honesty.

About trauma, 2 of 2

We finish talking about trauma, it's impact on the body, why awareness is crucial and some of the things that will facilitate healing. You're worth it!

About trauma, 1 of 2

We talk about trauma and the importance of recognizing what you're going through and also review the PTSD diagnosis and why that's important.

About love and the COAL approach, 2 of 2

We finish talking about love and why it's such an important skill in relationships.

About love and the COAL approach, 1 of 2

We talk about the COAL approach and how to better love yourself and others, which is a necessary skill to feed your relationships.

About dailies (self-care)

We talk about the importance of committed, consistent effort! By having a routine and establishing dailies, you'll feel better and ultimately love more.

About empathy, 2 of 2

As a follow up to episode 6, we finish talking about empathy and advise you to try it at least several times a week!

About empathy, 1 of 2

We talk about perhaps the most important topic in recovery and relationships - empathy! What it is, and how to actually do it well. This is part 1 of 2, continued in episode 7.

About trust discussions (check-ins), 2 of 2

As a follow up to episode 4, we finish talking about rebuilding trust and consequences if there are any problems or issues.

About trust discussions (check-ins), 1 of 2

We talk about trust discussions, or how a couple can rebuild trust through consistent checking in of what's going on in the relationship AND with the addiction. This is part 1 of 2, continued in episode 5.

About the steps to recovery for the addicted or betraying partner

As a follow up to episode 2, we talk about what the spouse or partner who is acting out or in addiction MUST DO in order to rebuild trust.

About discovering there's a problem and the steps to recovery for the betrayed partner

We talk about what to do after learning about your partner's porn or infidelity - what steps to recovery will help guide you in this process. This will be followed by steps to recovery for the addicted or betraying partner in episode 3.